Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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