hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
