from now on my penis is your penis
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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