got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
