are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
