We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
