Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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