whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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