cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
