cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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