Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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