got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
