how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
