I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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