she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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