They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
