I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When are your genitals available?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
