I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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