the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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