I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
