Screwed.edu
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize