ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
