your parents love me but you hate me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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