we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize