You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
