my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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