in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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