Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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