I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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