she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize