forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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