she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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