My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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