It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
