He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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