the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
