Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
