yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
