She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize