oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
