Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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