Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
