I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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