Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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