1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
