She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I skipped work to stalk him.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize