i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize