You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
