he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im about as happy as oj after his trial
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize