I faked an abortion last night.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
