dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
