I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
