If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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