sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
