i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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