please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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