I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
