I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
