There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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