my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize