Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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