she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
