Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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