i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
