In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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