Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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