dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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