I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
