I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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