i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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