I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
