Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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