he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize