What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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