so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
